Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Freak Out Dreams

25 Saturday Aug 2018

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Have you ever had a dream filled with the dark secrets you like to hide that you spend the rest of the day trying to be clean?

I had one the other night. Recovering took a few weeks. I could not shake the weird feeling hanging over me, but finally, the impression dissipated.

This particular dream starred a past employment situation, and it is a recurring dream theme.

When these types of dreams come to the forefront, it makes me think that I have to work through these yucky, foul things. It’s not the actual garbage that happened, but the nasty aftertaste. These feelings lurk in some shape or form in the back of my mind.

So, I pulled out a Tarot card from my trusty Thoth deck. What can help clarify a dream than something works as a metaphor? Personally, I think it will work to create an inner dialogue.

So, here we go.

The Hierophant

The Hierophant Tarot Card

The Hierophant is the teacher. The card is the dude that teaches the status quo. The card is not “bad” per say. The status quo is not my fave personally, but each to their own.

The Hierophant is also about restriction and challenging that very thing.

To me, this is a way to break the cycle of what has become a tradition.

 

A Few Weeks Later

I let this play itself out in the world, and it did. That shit undertone has finally gone — for the time being. I feel like this dream warned me about toxic people. I tend to allow these types of people too much of my time. The following is a list of traits to look out for.

  1. They take credit for your work. To me, this is the worst. Sometimes, people accidentally do this, but consistently doing this tells you that your ideas are what matters. This person is not on your side.
  2. Bitching about people when it’s them. Naturally, we all disagree with the people around us, and we bitch about it. However, if the person is complaining about things that they should be doing as a human being, stay away.
  3. Accusing you of things you didn’t do. If you get accused of wrongdoing or get ultimatums, run. You’re an adult, not a child. It’s not your job to stroke anybody’s ego. You have shit to do.
  4. When with others, they gang up on you. Being sarcastic is fun, but when you are the brunt of a bullying style of sarcasm, then they aren’t on your side. A new friendship should not be forge on disparaging an old one.

Now, you don’t have to take shit from people, and honestly, you don’t have to give people lessons on their behavior. The best thing to do is to stay away, calm down, and assess if there was merely a misunderstanding or if what you experienced is legit.

If you are busy and get accused of things you are not doing, then just cut the cord. If someone is only looking at what they feel, and don’t ask about you at all, they don’t care about you. They only care about their self.

Life’s too short to worry about people who hold you back or to work in a place with people who are toxic. No need to teach lessons to people like this. They will learn from the mistakes made or they won’t.

You don’t need that kind of garbage in your life.

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Life Cycles: The Dreaded Tower

19 Monday Feb 2018

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Life has its cycles, its ups, and downs. Sometimes you feel great, and you experience all that is wonderful in the world. Occasionally, however, everything that you knew before comes crashing down around you causing you to feel confused and sometimes hopeless.Death

Most of the time when doing a tarot reading for those people who have never had one done before say, “I hope I don’t get the Death card!” However, in my experience, the Tower has always filled my little heart full of dread to the umpteenth power. To me, that’s the “Oh Shit!” card. I have had the displeasure of getting this card on many occasions. I know every time I get this particular card, I am going to go through some colossal upheaval, albeit with a necessary end game.

Both the Death card and the Tower represent changes and transformation. However, the Death card is the type of transition that is the Winter to Spring to Summer to Fall type of change. It is the hibernation of the soul in the winter only to grow into the same thing but wiser in the spring. In essence, the old you dies and makes room for the new you. It is a metamorphosis much like a caterpillar to a butterfly.

The TowerThe Tower represents a more chaotic side of change that comes quickly and without warning. Your whole world comes crumbling down on you, and there seems to be nothing that you can do to ease the transitional forces that have laid siege upon the castle that is you. It comes in the form of outside powers that you cannot control and can be very devastating to an individual during the process and the aftermath. It may feel like a personal attack, but I assure you it is not.

However, you need not be too afraid. When you get this card in a reading, and it is not in the past position, then brace yourself. Remember, that when your Tower as crumbled and the dust has cleared, you can rebuild and make yourself a stronger “tower.” It is always important to stay positive.

Hope is all you have, but you still have to make things happen for yourself. The Tower is the Universes last resort to get you back to your proper purpose when you have lost your way. Sometimes, we get little nudges that we need to do something, and when we don’t listen for whatever reason, the Universe will give us a massive push over that edge that we were afraid to go over.

Usually, you don’t listen to your intuition because you just don’t believe that you can do the task that you were meant to do. Sometimes, you feel as if the thing you are drawn to do is illogical or you can’t do it. With self-confidence and trust in yourself, you can do anything you feel compelled to do.

The Queen of Dreams

05 Monday Feb 2018

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If you ask it, she will answer

Queen of Cups with a shell

This passage is the first in a series where I allow a Tarot deck to pick the topic for me. A tarot topic if you will. I chose the Crowley’s Thoth Tarot. Lo and behold! Out came the Queen of Cups to grace us with her presence.

The Question

What topic is most important for people to know?

Keywords

Water of Water. Mysterious, Contemplative, Dreamy, Intuitive, and Tranquility. The woman who reflects the nature of the observer.

I picked two areas that I felt were most important for us to know.

Self-Reflection

This queen is asking us to reflect on our innermost emotions. A lot of times we do not do this. It seems too hard for us to take a second of every day and check in with how we feel about the going ons around us. We are taught to be humble; to say yes; to do what authority tells us; just watch TV.

Sovereign beings need to take a moment to check in with themselves. Everything else around us is not necessarily as it should be, and we need to make sure that we don’t fall into a complacency hole. Don’t do it, my friend! The future, your future, as an autonomous individual relies on you being at one with yourself.

You are not your worst enemy. That is a lie told to gaslight ourselves into a corner. You are the one that will always be on your side. If you do not have yourself to rely on, then what or who do you have? Not much and no one.

You need to look inside and make sure that you are okay with things going on around you.

  • Is how others treat you beneficial to both parties?
  • Is your future-self going to be happy with your present-self?
  • Do you see or notice red flags as they rear their ugly head?
  • Are you the one sabotaging your relationships?
  • Do your highest ideals and your actual life meet up in reality for coffee sometime?
  • Is your moral compass skewed?

Make sure you check yourself. You don’t want to be the actual asshole that everyone will be leaving behind. You don’t have to take crap from human bastards. Let them spread their shit somewhere else.

Dreams

Focus and dream of what is to come and what you want out of life. No worries about reality when you imagine a perfect existence. Go over the top while you visualize. Think of it as brainstorming about the world you wish to create.

We all have this thing called an inner child. This child never leaves us but will hibernate if we take life way too seriously. Most will think that the world is a dark place where there is no hope and no room to move. This aspect of the world is merely an illusion. A prison we create for ourselves.

When we choose to move throughout the world as if the world is our toy, then the shackles fall away, and we can move freely in our life. Why be so serious about it all? What will anything that is beneath our highest ideals do for us? It does nothing. Break the chains that bind you, and dare to dream.

Conclusion

We are going to meet shit people in our life, but there is never an excuse to become one. We don’t have to step on toes or put people down. We merely need to lift ourselves up, and the rest will stay at the level where they are. They won’t even seem to notice you, and that’s the best.

We attract those per our own Will. If those around you do not act according to our ideals, then a need is there to check in with our purpose. Consider them course correctors as you navigate through your life.

At the same time, we have to live in the material world. While daydreaming is fun and beneficial when it comes to figuring out where we see our future, action is better when it is rooted in practicality. Not all ideas are good ideas in practice. Someone dreams up these dumb challenges that involving a poisonous substance, and it never works out well.

Self Care: Anxiety and Depression

08 Monday Jan 2018

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It is an entirely natural thing to feel down as a human being. We may feel this way due to societal pressures to be “perfect,” our plans have failed, or life just below chunks of shit in our face.

Now, I suppose a disclaimer is in order before I proceed further. This blog post is not to forego professional help from experts, but to highlight my experience as a person who struggles with depression and a dissociative disorder. I highly recommend a good therapist if you are having a severely lousy time or even medication to get you out of the downward spiral. I have done these actions to make sure I survive these dark times.

The following will be a collection of natural ways I use to maintain my good mood and to help drag my ass out of a mood hole if needed.

Medications

I am not a fan of taking any modern medications for most anything. However, sometimes it’s necessary. If you are suicidal, an herbal remedy isn’t going to work fast enough to help. I also think that some people need to take these medications, and there is nothing wrong with this need. If you need it and it helps you, then do it.

The reason I don’t like it is that people tend to want to make us into meat robots. Personally, I think that being sad or mad or any other negative feeling is a bad thing. It is not wrong but just a natural response to stress. It just is more extreme in other people.

I am very into prevention of these bad phases that pop up. If I have to take medication, it is a bad time, but I realize that I am lucky enough to be able to stop them when I feel like I can handle myself properly again.

For me, the medications make me feel like I lose a part of myself, but it gives an “I don’t give a shit” platform to work through overwhelming issues. If overly worried or depressed about not being able to change the things about life that are undesirable it is hard to see reality. So, medication can help this fight tremendously.

Wow! That sounds perfect! Sure! In the short-term it indeed does, but to me, there is a downside. At least for me. The meds tend to conform you to “norms” and make you into the perfect meat-bot. I hate it after a few months, so I eventually I found natural options. However, please do what works for you!

Counseling

Medication is very useful in working through your problems paired with counseling. Counseling helps you create coping methods when times are hard. Plus, there is nothing like getting shit off your chest. These people are like modern day priests. You go in and confess your “sins,” and they cannot tell people you love. Instead, they give you something to work on until the next session.

These people must be saints in there own way. If you think about the exchange of energy that goes on, you sit and tell them negative things that no one wants to hear, and they take money for it. This way no one can complain about you being a downer.

I have found a few great counselors. This person encouraged using the Tarot and mindfulness in order to help cope with my issues. With these coping mechanisms, I was able to notice that I have a cycle of feeling like garbage. Because I now know about the cycle, I can do something at those particular times to hopefully prevent anything from becoming blown out of proportion.

Hypnosis & Meditation

These two may be very similar, but there are some major differences. In hypnosis, you are a willing participant in the exercise, but in meditation, it is more about relaxing the mind so you are not worrying so much.

Hypnosis

I have been to a ton of sessions in various hypnosis protocols, and I am secretly trained in these techniques. I say secretly because I do not have a practice. I do believe beyond a doubt that these exercises can help ease both depression and anxiety if the individual wishes to get rid of these issues.

In order to really work, the person needs to want to change the issue. If they do not these exercises will not work. There can be a secondary need an individual has that they do not wish to get rid of such as the person gets attention because of this condition.

Hypnosis is a relaxation exercise with an end goal in mind. This can be smoking cessation, weight loss, relieving anxiety, etc. You go into a deeply relaxed state, but do not think that you are not in charge! You are and you can wake yourself from this state. So, you are still in charge of you! This might be a big deal for those who like to stay slightly conscious of their actions.

Hypnosis and stage hypnosis are very different things. So, do not expect to be made to bark like a chicken or something similar. People have different tolerances when it comes to hypnosis to hypnotic inductions, so not everyone will be as easy to put into this state like others. Stage hypnotists can pick out who will be easiest to induce into a “trance.”

Meditation

Specifically, mindfulness meditation can help you relax when you’re overly worried, or your brain is racing. At the same time, you are re-framing what you chose to focus on while your body is in a more reactive state. When you feel overly anxious, it seems to help calm your heart rate and control your breathing.

There are a ton of guided meditation apps that you can download to your phone, and there are YouTube videos as well. You don’t need to do it for an hour unless you want to, but I know that I am not great at doing anything like that. I wish I could, and ideally, I would.

Supplements

Herbs

I use plant allies daily to help me maintain my composure on a daily basis. Every morning, I consume a few types of herbals on a regular basis. Tulsi, Peppermint, and Ashwagandha are my main allies. These are what is known as adaptogens in herbalism.

Adaptogens are herbs that are useful in helping the body adapt to stressful situations. When it comes to herbals, there are several rules that you must follow. You must make sure that the product you are ingestion has the actual herb, not just filler, and all of these are from a reputable source.

I tend to think of herbs as a preventative measure. Some herbs cannot be taken in the long term. Eucalyptus is a good example because the plant can act as a neurotoxin when used in the long-term.

With all herbs, you should start out with the lowest dose possible to make sure you do not react adversely to them. Treat herbs as if they were medicine. They can interact with conventional medications. Balance is the key, and you don’t want to make your symptoms worse or get sick.

In addition to these herbs, I take a tablespoon of Apple Cider Vinegar every day. Taking this helps boost my energy and helps with lower blood pressure. I notice a huge difference if I don’t drink it for a few days, but mostly to do with acne. ACV will help prevent breakouts.

For the love of all gods, please water it down before drinking it. It tastes pretty rank alone at first, but eventually, you end up liking it. I recommend getting Bragg’s apple cider vinegar. Its flavor is the best in my opinion, but either way, you want one that is organic and with the “mother.” You can also make a batch if you’re handy.

Vitamins and Minerals

Vitamin D is helpful for your mood as well. Since we have moved more to indoor jobs, a lot of us do not get enough sun. Seasonal Affective Disorder often happens when the sun is at it’s weakest, and we don’t want to do anything other than lay under a blanket.

A physician performs a blood test to see if there is a deficiency. Preferably if you do need more Vitamin D in your life, you will go outside more or eat more leafy greens. However, if you’re like me, you just take a supplement in the form of a gummy.

Magnesium is also essential to our health as well. While it doesn’t seem like a deficiency in this mineral would effect anxiety on any level, it does help. Mostly, I just use a little every day in my deodorant, because it’s best when absorbed through the skin.

Diet and Exercise

Diet

Now, the bane of my existence, the sweet stuff. Sugar is the enemy of a good day from what I have found. I had a horrible addiction to candy after I quit smoking. So, not only was I eating sugar all the time, but most foods in the United States also contain sugar. So, while you cannot escape it entirely, it is possible to cut it out.

I started noticing a pattern. When I ate candy, I hated my life, and sometimes I would lash out at people. It was great, but not really. While I still eat sugar on occasion. I’ve noticed that I don’t react as extreme as before. I have done a ton of research on this, and it’s one of the worse things for your body.

Exercise

Exercise is beneficial. Moving around and working with your body gets the blood flowing. The blood flows more efficiently throughout the body and also the brain. It is also more important to stay active, and not just exercise.

So, if you have a sit-down job, experts are saying that this can be just as deadly as eating lard each meal. Thus, it is super important for you to stretch and move around throughout the day.

Ideally, you should not be hurting yourself and be in constant pain. That’s bullshit. Do what you can do, and make sure it’s fun for you. Be active within your abilities. Garden, walk around the mall or swim. Do something you love, so you will always want to do it.

Depression and anxiety can feel like a person is fighting a dragon, and your job should you chose is to be your knight in shiny armor. You just need the shield and the sword to fight it off. Some battles are going to go better than others. That’s okay. It’s not a race, but a journey.