I have been a pagan for 20 years now. Not that I have been one religiously by any means. Things come up in our lives and it is good to take a break and reflect upon the work we have done. Even Crowley took a break for years before returning to his occult studies. There is nothing wrong with that. I find that I tend to take breaks after studying extensively on one area of expertise. I look into what I am researching as far as I can, and practice daily. It is hard to find information as deep as I would like to go. Usually, though, it was just nonsense that was distracting to me. Combine that with a dead end in information, and Viola, a break is to be had whether I want it or not.
The moon herself takes a break 12 times a month. No one should ever feel guilty taking a break from long hours of reading, everyday rituals, and hoping no one comes in accidentally. I do seem to get The worst of all was the significant other who was abusive and thoroughly embarrassed by what he saw as an annoying hobby that everyone around would hate HIM for. People did stay away from him, but not because of my supposed “weirdo crap.”
I even completely lost all confidence in my path, because he decided that it would be cool to join a group. I decided to try it out, and I disliked it immensely. The experience seemed dogmatic and fanatical, and that was the reason that I despised another dogmatic religion. It made me want to literally vomit, and I stopped associating with the members of this supposed group.
I never thought I would do well in a group, and I never joined one until then. So, maybe that in itself wasn’t the shiniest example of working with others in a coven like setting. These people weren’t really pagan, witches, or anything that made natural sense to me. I am not quite sure what they would call themselves, but the group they represented wasn’t for me.
Eventually, I want to start a study group of sorts. I will just start there. I can be difficult to work with myself, because I am stubborn. I am fine until someone interrupts me or tells me flat out that my way of thinking is wrong. Regardless, I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I enjoy having others around to discuss spiritual practices with. I do go through a lot of intellectual changes when I am going through a stale period. For example, I did not see the point of spells until recently.
Although, these periods come and go, my time is spent reflecting what I had learned when I was studying so hard when they are here, and reading and doing new things when that period ends.